I know I should just call, but I wanted you to have this written down somewhere you could see it, whenever you needed something like this. And texting this just seemed tacky (but so is a blog post).

Any who, like I said I love you and your family. Your father is a great man, who did something special with his life and with yours.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’m sorry someone you love dearly was taken away from you. It’s not fair. It never is. And anyone who says, “Everything happens for a reason,” can go kindly fuck themselves. Well at least that’s my opinion on that saying.

Through this whole thing you’ve been nothing but a beacon of strength, which many people are incapable of doing. And when things feel worse, and those pesky emotions rear their ugly heads, I want you to remember that. But I also want you to know that it’s okay to cry. This is a heartbreak of the highest degree, and you don’t always have to be that strong, beautiful woman that you are.

Call me, whenever you need someone to talk to, whenever you need to vent, whenever you need to hear a cry that is so indescribably weird that all you can do is laugh, cause it sounds like you a talking to a wailing banshee on the other line.

I’m not a pretty crier. It’s one of those ridiculous half-wails/half-can’t breath sobs and the way I always get myself to stop crying is by looking in the mirror.  Works like a charm. Maybe that’s what I’ll do for you. (Amongst other things). I’ll send a picture of me crying. Keep it in your wallet whenever you need a good laugh.

I always feel like I’m never as good of a friend to you as you are to me. You are amazing, and hilarious, and gorgeous. Your dad is a big reason why you are so special today. Can you believe how old we are now? How much we’ve changed and grown? Being an adult sucks.

Some of my favorite moments of college were driving home with your dad freshman year. I don’t normally feel comfortable around adults but he always made me feel at ease. He’s a jokester that one, with that special jokester twinkle in his eye.

I am always here for you through this, just a bus/train/plane ride away. Because I will get on a fucking plane for you, I will drink my way into oblivion to step on that plane for you, and I wouldn’t do that for many. But I warn you, I will be hammered when I make it to your home. It will probably be better that way, though. Drunk Natalie knows how to drink down the house! Sober Natalie, not so much.

I’m glad I get to see you soon, but I’m sorry it’s like this. However, I will make sure it will be filled with the exact same things I was planning on having us do already.

Booze. Booze. Booze.

Oh, and Carlos O’Kelly’s thrown in the mix somewhere. Or maybe I’ll just drunkenly eat a whole pizza for you like the good ol’ days. Anything you want babe, anything.

Because I love you.